i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
