Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
