saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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