I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
