I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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