It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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