Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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