He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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