Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
