On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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