i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
