they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
