i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize