It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
