No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
