I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
