tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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