she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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