Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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