If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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