You just made me feel so damn special
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
