we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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