Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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