Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
