matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
