If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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