They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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