wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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