how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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