He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
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