I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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