I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
