After last night, I could never be a politician.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
