highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
