those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
The adults are the big ones right?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize