im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize