I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize