piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
