he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
