Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
