careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
two words...techno handjob
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
