how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
