dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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