i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
