do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
