My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
