He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
