I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
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