It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
