We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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