You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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