I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
