The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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