Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
But we have bathrooms and they dont
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
