I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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