Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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