Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I am available for nakedness
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