It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
