half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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