We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
