the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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