Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
