Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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