Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
