oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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