apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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